Change in the air

There's a chill in the air these days. Winter is coming. I could feel it in my bones for the first time today. It was the first day off I'd had since starting my new job. I didn't leave the house, but cleaned and watched 'Hair' among other things. A TV day. I'm watching 'Moonstruck' now. I've been meaning to watch it since I took this job- the place is directly across the Lincoln Center. It's not the reason I took it, but I will say that the association didn't hurt. I ride the Q every day (except when I happen to catch the B) and walk through Columbus Circle and the Artist's and Merchant's Gates to Central Park. I get to walk past one of my favourite buildings, though it has a shiny new façade that replaces the strange 1960's original. 2 Columbus Circle, inspired by Italian palazzos; "the lollipop building." I'm sad that it's been modernised, but the fact that it still stands means that I can remember how it looked before. I'm nervous for the snow that will inevitably come. I hope that I will be warm enough. I hope I will adjust to the bustle of the City. My work life is falling into place. It's making sense, I'm getting the hang of things, though I'm still a bit slow in the Prep. The Health Department came yesterday. Completely terrified me. I've never been comfortable when I don't know the laws well enough. It's something to learn, I'm not going to let it frighten me again. Challenges. Memories. I have rambled enough.

Work

To day is the first day of the rest of my life.

I start a new job today. Exciting to say the least. New York. I have to learn a American Kitchens again. The way things are called, the running if service, the sheer duration of it is going to feel so foreign. I'll get used to it, despite the strangeness of it at first. I used to do it all the time, right? I've been more productive this morning than I usually am in a day. It's the establishing of a routine. I like my routines. Consistency is paramount. I hate then things are out of place, but let it slide when I am floating as I have been. I have a touch of the old impatience back. " now now now! I want to have today roll into tomorrow and there to be paychecks and days off and leaves budding on the trees so I can see summer and be hot and long for winter." I'm so impatient. It's good on a level, but mostly it's a pain in the ass. I'm too impulsive, and do things without properly thinking them through. And that's why I'm nervous about this job. What if I'm wrong and it's going to be a horrible fit? Then I say to myself, "This is New York. There are literally thousands of restaurants, and 5 in this group alone. If I get bored, I move on. I have options. It's a peculiar feeling, and not one I've allowed myself before.

I'm trying to remove certain associations from cooking to put my mind at peace with the way my life is now. It's not easy to do when I don't want to lose them. But they say time heals all wounds. I need to remember that, remind myself daily. I put myself here, no one else, and I have to come to terms with the new truths. But this feels more right than things have felt in a year. I hope that I'm not just grasping at straws.

America

I'm back in the US, finally in New York. I've secured myself a Job. I'll work on an apartment in the coming days. I forgot how I love the City. The leaves are falling. There's a chill in the air that I know will become a bone deep cold in the next few weeks. I'm excited. I can't help but be. new beginnings are exciting. I think I will be ok. Actually, I don't have a choice, so I will be. I'm happy with that. I can't ask for more than that right now. Life is good.